I’m working on putting together a reflection website where I talk about you, grandma. I think you will like it. It’s strange to think that I won’t be able to see you again. It only makes me upset when I think about not being able to hear your voice or hear you tell me reassuredly, “I love you…always…always.”
I miss that.
I guess it’s probably silly to sit here and keep hoping that you’ll visit me in a dream or that God will allow you to ‘check in’ and say hello- just to let me know that you’re ok. I guess we all have to be prepared for that inevitability that one day we will no longer walk on this earth. I would like to think that there is something greater waiting for us somewhere. I guess I will never know until it’s my turn.
I want you to know that not a day went by when you weren’t in my thoughts. I hope that you have your full memory back now. I always wanted a better life for you, grandma; and I will never fully understand why you chose to live where you did. I guess that of all the places in the world, Brooklyn was where you felt the most comfortable. I just hated it for you. I always wanted you nearer to me. One thing has held true for me: everything happens for a reason.
I guess that in the end, we all need help with something. I keep going back to your stay in the hospital. The night before you took God’s hand, did you know that I had been there with you the entire time? Did you know that Diahan was there with me?
It really is strange how things work out. Whether or not you realize it, you were always my best friend- even after your memory began to fail you- just hearing your voice always made me feel better.
I miss you so much.
12:35 a.m.