3:53 pm
We were on our way back from the Farmer’s Market, and having just left Northern Freight when my mother called to tell me that she had received a phone call that my grandmother had had a stroke.
Just yesterday, I had said that I wanted to call my grandmother- and now who knows if I’ll ever get the chance to have her know who I am.
I am in a state of limbo right now. Having just had my hair done earlier and excited about getting together for Jonathan and Kim’s party…
She’s in a hospital right now on a respirator…I feel like it’s my mom’s ordeal all over again- something which has haunted me.
The death of someone close to you- haunting me every day.
I will never forget the sound of my mother’s voice when she called me today:
stern, controlled- almost angry as she demanded to tell me this information. Through my quick tears asking what was wrong and barely hearing the details at first- barely hearing anything. The jerking motions of Chris’ mom’s car as she struggled to deal with my emotions and what direction she should go- Should she take me home? A hand on my left leg- Chris’- reassuring me and then my mother’s voice- above all else- taking a deep breath- a slight, almost missed moment of uncertainty and very swiftly cutting my tears off by telling me- ordering me to keep it together, “Get it together”
Silence now.
As I sit here at my desk more than 500 miles away and wait
for the inevitable perhaps.
This is just the beginning,
no doubt.
4:25 pm